Chain Reaction
by BlackSpark
Summary: The musings of certain characters after one word sets off a flurry of thoughts. Originally written for the greatokyoempire community on LJ.
1. Clamber

A/N: This fic was originally written for the LJ community, greatokyoempire. A member found the words of the day on landing on the main 4 Capsule's birthdays; with them, we could choose to write a drabble on how the word related to the character. Mine ended up much longer, however, as you cna tell -sweatdrop- There might be a Part Two from someone else's perspective. But anyway, I hope you all enjoy reading, and feel free to give constructive criticism if you spot anything that seems off to you.

**Chain Reaction**

**Part One: Clamber**

**By BlackSpark**

'Clamber.'_  
  
_The word jumped out at him from the paper, although mud and dirt had attacked its legibility long ago. _Why_ it drew his attention he had yet to figure out; in fact, he wasn't even sure what he was doing standing in the ruins of his school. God knows he'd been there enough since…well, you know.

_To climb with difficulty; scramble._

Kai smirked as the thought rang through his head. He could almost hear Yamagata's reply; _Geez, Kai, how do you remember all this shit?_ And then he could point out how often their damn teacher used it, as if repeating it to even the most distant students would help embed it in their brain.

Too bad Yamagata wasn't there to speak back.

Sighing, the young biker kicked a nearby rock, a scowl spreading across his face. He yelped slightly as he felt himself slip, his foot nearly sinking into the ground. Scrambling away, he-

_…Scrambling…_

Boy, had he done a lot of that in his life.

He groaned as familiar thoughts began pushing their way into his head; familiar, unwelcome thoughts. Normally, Kai tried not to dwell on things, but lately it had been as though the circumstances presented no mercy on him. Ignorance is bliss, and unfortunately Kai had been thinking quite a lot lately. It's not his fault he couldn't help it.

_Dammit Tetsuo, you weren't the only one who felt like you were being left behind._

All right, so maybe the other guys hadn't given him as tough a break as they had with Tetsuo. Still, there did seem to be barriers at times between him and most of the others; especially when it came to girls. Practically all of the Capsules had a girl (or two…or three…) lined up to serve whatever it was they had wanted.  
  
_Except for me. _A bitter laugh escaped his throat. _Because, you know, I'm fucking short and all._

Maybe they did spend much of their time together, without girls, speeding through the night on their bikes. But what about the other times when they didn't? They'd all be out with their new toy of the week, laughing and enjoying themselves, and Kai would be an extra wheel, sulking in some corner; physically there, but nothing more than that. The darkness that those nights brought wasn't exciting; it was like a blanket close to smothering him to death. And it didn't help that the other guys always teased him about it-or what they thought of his sexuality, for that matter.  
  
He felt like he had to do practically everything in order to keep up with them. Keep saying funny things, go along with anything exciting they thought up even if he wasn't in the mood. Otherwise, they'd eventually wear him out, and he'd have no where to crawl back to.

_I'd be just as miserable as Tetsuo was._

And then after…you know what happened…history reared its head and repeated itself once more. He had lost practically everyone; he still had Kaneda, but even then it was like he had to _share_ him with Kei. It seemed he was always one step behind her; always having to keep up to prevent losing the last remnant of his past. But everywhere they went, it was Kaneda and Kei, Kaneda and Kei.

_Well, screw Kaneda and Kei. No one said you had to depend on them for everything. They're not your fucking **life**._

_Just what's left of it._

He tugged the end of his tie, his other hand clenching into a fist. "And some shit life this is," he muttered, letting the deteriorating paper fall to the ground. "When I'm spotting parallels between me and Tetsuo, something's really screwed up."

_You don't have to end up like him._

Kai raised his eyes up from the ground.  
  
_Was_ he on the same track as Tetsuo? Highly unlikely. Number one, he didn't have a huge inferiority complex blinding him from thinking straight. Number two, he wouldn't risk having all that much power if it just all led to a very…_unpleasant_ ending.

Then again, he also thought it was highly unlikely that anyone could gain psychic powers, mutate, and then succeed in destroying most of a large city.

_Tetsuo messed up because he cared too much about how other people saw him…about what he should do to just be 'one of us'.  
  
_Kai raised an eyebrow at the last thought. "Shit, I sound like one of those school advisors…" He shook his head, running a hand through his dark hair. "Maybe they really did succeed in brainwashing us after all."

_But maybe it's true. Maybe you just need to get away for a while. Staying here isn't gonna do you any good. Whoever said you couldn't survive on your own?_

Kai paused to consider this. It _was_ a new concept, after all; for most of his life, he'd had _some_ sort of group to fall back onto, despite claiming that he could function perfectly well being independent.

Maybe it was about time he try out that claim.

_But what would I **do**? Neo-Tokyo is pretty, you know,** dead**._

_Maybe that's supposed to be the difficult part of it. Figuring out what the hell to do…_

The short teen snorted.

'Clamber.  
  
To climb with difficulty…'

_I've faced the worst of it by now. It can't get much shittier than this.  
  
_Maybe he could make the climb after all. _  
  
_


	2. Cadge

A/N: Here is the last part to C.R. Kaneda's word was cadge; unfortunately, I never actually put it in the story ; So I went really cheap and put it as a definition. Using one definition of the word, cadge doesn't suit him at all, so I kind of used the inverse definition. However, if you twist around a slightly different meaning of the word, it CAN kind of suit him pre-crash. Sort of.

Also, about place holders...I don't know, I always found it sounded really repetitive if very few place holders were given. That's just me, though. But thank you all for reviewing!

**Chain Reaction**

**Part Two: Cadge**

**By BlackSpark**

_Cadge:__ To intrude or live on another meanly; to beg._

Shotaro Kaneda was never one to beg.

Hell, Kaneda was never one to ask for help. He could be inches away from death and he wouldn't dare try to get out of it if he didn't do it by himself; he hated sacrificing any small bit of pride. Of course, Kaneda_ did_ have a tendency to escape from even the greatest threats of harm; no matter what kind of mess was happening around him, he always seemed to escape untouched. But point aside, he was stubborn and proud; hell would freeze over before he gave in and asked for advice.

Which made trying to deal with Kai at the moment that much harder.

What the shorter boy had said…well, to be quite frank, Kaneda wasn't expecting it. In fact, it almost seemed…_too_ weird to be true. Well, perhaps not weird, but…certainly unexpected. And highly unlikely.

Right?

Kai raised an eyebrow under Kaneda's gaze, the taller boy watching him with careful, cautious eyes. Giving an uneasy laugh, Kaneda finally managed to reply. "Could you say that again?" He asked, scratching the back of his head. "I think I misheard you or something-"

A scowl crossed Kai's face as he answered. "You didn't mishear me and you know it." 

"So wait…you mean…you're really…?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving."

Kaneda 's eyebrows furrowed. "Oh…well, for how long?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kai shrugged. "A while, I guess."

"A while? As in a _long _while?" Kaneda threw his friend an incredulous look. "But…_why?_" 

"Because. I feel like it."

Kaneda snorted. "Oh come _on._ There's gotta be some reason."

"Who says? Besides, I don't have to tell you nothing." Kai's voice echoed with annoyance, signaling the other boy to back off.

The ex gang leader glared in response, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fine. Don't. Go out by yourself and have fun doing…nothing. Yeah, _nothing._" Kaneda emphasized the last word, as if to prove a point. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he continued. "Because seriously, Kai; what_ is _there to do around this garbage heap? What the hell do you have to do by yourself that you couldn't do with us?"

"I don't know, all right?" Kai threw his hands up in the air, frustration giving way. "I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do, all I know is that I just want to leave for a while, okay? If that's okay with you, anyway." He shot his friend a biting look, sarcasm dripping off his words.

Kaneda opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly shut it. As much as he wanted to reply, even_ he_ knew something was…_off_ with Kai. Lately, all the other boy did was mope; hell, he barely talked at all. And when he did grace Kaneda and Kei with his words, they left much to be desired. _He just sounds so pissed off all the time…so bitter, and just…angry._

True, anyone would easily be angered in their position by just about anything. Rome wasn't built in a day, and surely Neo-Tokyo and their lives still had many pieces that had to be picked up. But it had been months since _it_ had happened, and for a while, Kai seemed to have been adjusting to their new circumstances.

_When did he start acting like this again, anyway?_ Kaneda shivered as a cool breeze blew by, pulling his jacket closer over himself. He looked back over at Kai, but his friend's eyes only met the ground. _What could it be that he can't even talk to me about it? Haven't we been going through the same shit together for months?_

"I still don't get why you're doing this," Kaneda finally muttered, leaning against a nearby wall.

Kai shook his head in response. "Yeah, well, you wouldn't."

For a moment, silence once again passed over the two teens; but this time, Kai felt as though it was one of the loudest silences he had ever heard. The tension in the air was thick, as if building up to something Kai was unaware to. He lifted his gaze from the ground, looking back over at Kaneda.

Looking back over into two very angry eyes.

"You know, I'm really getting tired of people telling me that."

Kai drew in a breath at Kaneda's sharp tone. _Why are you so startled? _He asked himself, a shiver passing through his body. _You've heard Kaneda pissed before. _

_Yeah, but this time he sounds…different. Like it's more personal or something._

And it was.

"I know I'm pretty fucking dumb at times," Kaneda continued, his voice rising in pitch. "And maybe I don't always get everything that people try to explain to me. Maybe I'm not as smart as you, Kai. Maybe I don't understand sometimes. But, you know, I _am_ human, as unfortunate as that feels sometimes, and I _am_ your friend. If you have some sort of fucking problem, you_ can_ tell me. You don't have to mope about it and then complain that nobody loves you or nobody cares or some other shit like that. You _don't_ have to be like Tetsuo."

Kai's eyes widened, Kaneda almost mirroring his actions. _He hasn't mentioned… **Tetsuo** in…god knows how long…_

Which was true. It was rare to ever hear Kaneda utter his old friend's name, and when he did, it sounded so _forced_, and he just sounded so _unhappy_. Kai and Kei quickly learned it was just not a good subject to bring up; not unless Kaneda himself had done it. And yeah, Kai _was_ Tetsuo's friend too. But the circumstances were different for the two of them; they were friends, not best friends like Kaneda and Tetsuo were.

Kai bit his lip. "Kaneda, I-"

"I'm not done yet, Kai." Kaneda snapped back, clenching his fist. He paused for a moment, drawing in a shaky breath as he tried to calm himself down. "It's always 'Kaneda's so lucky' or 'Kaneda wouldn't understand'. But how would you fucking know? You don't talk to me. _He_ didn't talk to me." Kaneda's voiced wavered, but he continued on all the same. "How the hell would either of you know what I can or can't understand? Huh? Maybe if you actually, you know, went to me like _friends_ do, maybe you'd find out I'm not such a fucking idiot all the time, contrary to popular belief."

"Kaneda, I never said-"

"Maybe not directly."

Kai narrowed his eyes. "How would you know? Think you can read my mind or something? Look who's talking _now_."

"Whatever, Kai." Kaneda pulled himself off from the wall he was leaning on, turning to walk in the opposite direction.

"Where you going?"

"Away." Kaneda turned around briefly, eyes flashing with anger. "If that's okay with you, anyway."

And with that, he left.

* * *

The clouds overhead spread themselves among the sky, blocking out the rays of the sun above. The city remained in shadow, hiding the dullness of its aura between layers of darkness.

_Maybe it's better the sun isn't shining,_ Kaneda mused to himself, kicking a rock as his feet dragged on the ground. _It'd probably only show more of how crappy this city looks. Some contrast it'd be, all right._

The boy stopped in his tracks, eyes wandering aimlessly around the site in front of him. He didn't really take in what he saw; instead, snippets from the previous conversation from only a little while before echoed throughout his head.

_If Kai wants to leave, he can leave. I'm not gonna sit there and beg him to stay. Hell, I don't need him._

_Maybe you don't need him…but you **want** him to stay. _

Kaneda grimaced. He couldn't deny that he liked his friend's company, especially because he was one of the few people Kaneda even had left. Ever since the incident with Tetsuo, he had put greater value in his friends, the people who stuck by him no matter what; more specifically, Kai and Kei. Sure, they had their squabbles every now and then, but who didn't?

But if Kai left…as much as he would hate to admit it…

Kaneda would miss him.

_Would Kai miss me?_

Kaneda scoffed at the thought. _Quit sounding so sappy. Besides, he'd have to miss me. Why **wouldn't** he miss me?_

_Gee, I don't know, maybe because it's pretty obvious something about you's been pissing him off? Eh? Ever give a thought to that? Maybe you're not too good with these friendship things. Hey, look at what happened to Tet-_

"Shut _up_!"

Kaneda winced as he felt his fist connect to the wall, but part of him was far too mad to care.

_There you are just like always, Tetsuo, hiding in the back of my mind; ready to strike when I'm at my fucking lowest._

_And here I am like always, weak enough to let you._

Sometimes he didn't know who he was angrier at; Tetsuo or himself.

_Yeah, I've never been used to begging. I always got the attention I wanted, always got the attention I thought I deserved. Course, I just had to build myself up on Tetsuo's insecurities first because I'm fucking dumb. Which is why no one comes and tries to talk to me about anything serious; because I'm stupid and dense and one hell of a lousy friend._

_Shit. Listen to yourself. You sound just as every bit as self pitying as they do. Get a freaking grip._

Kaneda drew in a shaky breath, trying to collect his thoughts. None of them were particularly new; in fact, they only rang of similar things that had once crossed his mind, thoughts that he had tried to suppress. It wasn't that he couldn't deal with it; he could. It was just that…well, he knew how moody he'd get if he confronted them. And most of the time he was around two other people, and he didn't feel like bringing them all down just because of what he had to face.

It wasn't easy thinking that you could've contributed to the destruction of an entire city.

_And a breakdown of one of your friends. Your **best** friend._

One side of him-the side that had won out when facing Kai-argued that he couldn't have known the consequences. After all, Tetsuo did tend to take dumb things-or at least, what Kaneda had considered dumb-rather personally, and many, many others had been in similar positions as Tetsuo;_ they_ didn't go and try to destroy the city, did they? It was Tetsuo's choice, not his. And besides, if Tetsuo had that much of a problem with him, he should've said something anyway.

And yet, this was only one side of the story.

_Gimme a break. You've known him ever since you were little. Don't even try to feed yourself that crap; you should've known him better. You should've treated him better. And you know it._

Kaneda gritted his teeth. Sometimes he wished he wasn't so stubborn; maybe if he wasn't, he'd have talked to someone. After all, Kei had offered to be there for him whenever he needed it; plenty of times, in fact. "But no, I _didn't_ go to her _did_ I?" He muttered, the words falling sharp off his tongue. "Maybe if I had this'd be out of my system by now."

_Oh yeah. Because getting over the destruction of your city and the death, or whatever the hell happened, of your best friend is real easy to get over._

What _had_ happened to Tetsuo anyway? The last thing Kaneda had ever seen of him was a miniscule ball of light that faded the moment it touched his hands. It almost seemed unfair; Tetsuo had gotten to disappear in a pure, white light, and _he_ was still stuck here, in this dead, damaged city, picking up the pieces of the mess that _Tetsuo_ had made.

"Isn't _that_ twisted?" Kaneda spat out. The words burned with anger, much like the tears forming in his eyes. Roughly, he ran his arm against his face to brush them aside, smearing the dirt already present there.

Sometimes he wondered what would've happened if he was never pulled out of the light by those kids. Or whatever it was that they were.

_At least you're alive. At least you weren't trapped in some building and crushed to death. At least you still have Kei and Kai._

Kaneda shuddered. He couldn't remember the number of dead bodies the three of them had stumbled across; they seemed almost infinite, and after a while, they all seemed to blend together. They all shared the same, vacant stare; the same kind of blood contrasting with their pale skin; the same kind of broken, severed body parts and flesh hanging off their bones.

It shook him up knowing one of his friends suffered the same fate. It shook him up knowing that his other friends could've ended up the same way.

Or that he could've.

_Be glad that you're not. Stop your freaking whining and, for once in your life, be glad that you've alive. _

"I am…I am."

It left his mouth as a whisper, but he said it nevertheless.

A moment of silence passed over the boy. It was not angry or awkward, like it had been with Kai; in fact, Kaneda found something rather…peaceful about it.

The clouds were beginning to drift off into the horizon, a small stream of light tentatively poking through. The atmosphere's dust swirled around, now fully revealed, and the newfound brightness did nothing to flatter the chipped and battered buildings that were somehow still standing. But Kaneda couldn't have cared less; he wasn't one to run from the truth, after all, and it wasn't something he hadn't seen before.

Turning around, he began walking through the rubble, eyes focused straight ahead. He slipped his jacket off his shoulders and he wandered into the warmth, feeling as though a great burden had been lifted off his shoulders.

There was only one unresolved matter that needed fixing, and Kaneda was in no mood to play the coward and continuing to hide.

Kaneda smirked. _Now, where'd that shorty go to?_

* * *

"Kai."

Kai paused in his steps, lifting his head slightly at the crunches coming from behind him. Turning around, he faced the one who had called his name:

"Kaneda."

The two teens eyed each other carefully from across the piles of rubble, almost having a showdown with their stares. Kaneda began taking small, quiet steps, slowly closing the distance between them. Kai shoved his hands in his pockets, making no move to mirror his friend's actions.

"Listen," Kaneda started. "I think we're both kinda sorry, so let's skip over that part."

Kai smirked. "You just want to ignore that part so you don't have to say it."

"Oh, shut up Kai." Kaneda grinned, the awkwardness between them lessening somewhat. Almost instantly, however, his expression turned somber, giving Kai and intense stare. "You're serious about leaving, aren't you?"

"I guess you could say that." Kai looked away, his gaze turning to a crumpled piece of metal lying by his shoes.

Kaneda took in a deep breath. "I can't change your mind for you Kai. I mean…I don't know if this is a good thing or not, and I'm still a little unsure of why you're doing this, and maybe I'm just a little…_upset_ over this because…well…"

"Because what?" Kai shot him a confused look.

"Because…"

"Because…?"

"Because…oh god dammit, because I'm gonna _miss _you, okay?" Kaneda looked down for a second, looking a little sheepish.

Kai's mouth nearly dropped open. "You…" He blinked in surprise. "You are?"

"_Yes_, I _am_." Kaneda appeared almost embarrassed, cautiously looking back up to meet Kai's eyes. "And don't even_ think_ about laughing about it, because it's not funny."

"I wasn't going to." The shorter boy took a few hesitant steps forward, scuffing his feet on the ground. He lifted his gaze, his eyes meeting his friend's. "Kaneda...I'm not leaving just to avoid you or anything like that. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna leave you forever or nothin. I'll come back. It's….it's just a bit…complicated."

Kaneda nodded. "Good. Well, not that it's complicated, just that it's not about me or anything. I mean, come on," A mischievous smile spread across his face. "Who would ever want to leave me behind so easily?"

Kai laughed softly, shaking his head. "I'll tell you about it one day or something…my reasons, I mean. Not why someone would want to leave you behind. Though there are plenty of reasons I can give you, if you're still interested."

Kaneda shot him a mock glare in reply, trying not to smile. "But seriously…promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

Kaneda bit his lip. "Promise me that you are not running away from anything. _Anything_."

A pause punctured the conversation, Kai remaining quiet for a minute or so. Finally, he spoke up, nodding to Kaneda in response. "I promise. This is…different from that. I'm not running away…more like I'm running towards something. Or something like that."

Kaneda raised an eyebrow. "Someone's being rather philosophical."

"Aw, shut up."

A half hearted smile crossed both of their faces, appearing somewhat bittersweet. By then, the first traces of night had graced the sky, the light blue hue being shaded by fragments of red and orange.

_It feels like I'm losing another one of them…_

Kaneda shook the thought aside. _He's not leaving for good. He'll come back. **Nothing** will happen to him._

_Besides…I still have Kei._

He supposed he could maybe open up a little to her…after all, it couldn't hurt. But that didn't mean he had to live off of her alone. He wouldn't have to sacrifice his independence.

After all, Shotaro Kaneda was never one to beg; never one to have to completely depend on someone else. Hell would freeze over before that happened.

And, personally, he wasn't looking forward to another apocalypse.


End file.
